Seven weeks ago the most wonderful thing happened to me. I became a grandmother.
Two days later I saw him for the very first time. I saw how beautiful he was. I saw how tiny he was and I saw him wrap his fingers around my finger holding on so tight and thats when he stole my heart and became the most wonderful thing in the world for me. He was our blessed Easter miracle!
When I saw him again. He was looking so much better! His face had filled out and he was gorgeous.. the most beautiful baby that has ever graced this earth. He smiled at me when I lowered my face to the glass and spoke his name.. "Hi Keaton, Nana is here." He was so strong as he lifted his head up from the bed. My heart was so full of love for him I thought it would burst. He was doing so well.
The next day our tiny baby boy became sick. If I had known what the future held I would have never left the hospital. Every second was precious.
At that moment I prayed like I had never prayed nor will ever pray again.
One month ago I watched my daughter and son in law go through the worst time in their lives. That made it the worst time in my life. I wish I could have taken the whole thing away from them so that they didnt have to feel it.. I would have given anything for things to have been different.
One month ago I saw courage in the truest form. I saw a little man bravely fight for his life with all he had. I saw the courage in my daughter and son in law as they loved their baby enough to make the decision to allow him to go rather than to see him suffer because we all wanted him to stay so bad we were willing to keep him with us no matter what . That took courage that I know I would never had been able to have and it took great love. They are true heros. I admire them and respect them so much for that courage and love.
One month ago the tiny grandson that had in just a few short days become my world was lost to me forever and I never even got to hold him not even once.
One month ago I lost the most precious thing I have ever had in my world. It wasnt anything this earth could give me..it was more precious than gold, or silver and it was worth more than anything that I could ever have recieved in my life.
One month ago the world continued to turn, the sun continued to shine, the rivers continued to race....but only one short month ago a part of me was taken away, a part that will never heal.
I will love you and keep you forever in my heart, my darling Keaton.
7 comments:
Debbie, what a beautiful and painful tribute. It has taken you great courage to post and share your story with others. I can't even begin to imagine what you and your dear family are going through. I think about you often. Hugs, Lynn
Debbie, I just came across your blog today and you have touched my heart.
I can't begin to say I know how you feel but my heart goes out to you. I had a 25 week preemie almost 7 years ago, and by the grace of God, she is still with me. But, I know of many NICU parents that had to go home without their precious little one.
My prayers go out to you and your family as you try to get through a very difficult time.
HUGS to you!
Lisa
Oh Debbie, I was just looking at your blog from a Cricut site and found your story. I am SO sorry for your loss. Bless you, bless you. xoxo
i cant begin to imagine how you or your family are feeling, i am sure it must feel like things will nevcer be the same again, they wont really but you and your daughter and her partner will start to feel better, its so sad when we lose a child especially one who was so brave and fought so hard, I dont really know what to say, but know i will add your family to my prayers and hope the grief begins to become easier to deal with
what a beautiful tribute, what a darling baby boy... i'm so sorry for your loss... I have a new niece who was born at 33 weeks and only 3 lb 11oz. We are hoping she does well, she is so tiny!
a friend sent this to me on the loss of my daughter, and i came across it again and thought of you
Do not stand at my grave and weep
I am not there; I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow,
I am the diamond glints on snow,
I am the sun on ripened grain,
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning's hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry,
I am not there; I did not die.
amanda
Debbie I don't have words to help you and your family heal but know that you are thought of!
Dawn
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